Dust in the Wind

I was driving home, somewhere near 1:30 in the morning, my mother’s words ringing in my ear about drunk drivers being on the roads at this hour. I was traveling north on old Hwy 99 and sure enough, following a guy playing bumper cars against the concrete barrier. I was driving more carefully for other reasons than drunk drivers though. I was so careful that I forgot to turn on my radio until I reached I-94 in downtown Portland. Finally reaching what to me was the home stretch on my way to freedom I turned on the radio. My first of three presets came up on KGON, FM 92.3  Portland’s Album Rock. Kansas and Dust in the Wind was just beginning. After what I had just been through I did not want a melancholy sad song. Preset two selected, again what do I hear- Dust in the Wind! Now I am feeling like a spell has been put on me.  I had to plug in my 8-track tape, Foghat’s Fool for the City.  I made it home and my mom’s caring after action words…

What is it like to receive the word from a doctor that you have cancer, ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), an inoperable brain tumor?   My answer is complicated, this story attempts to explain it with a true story. 

I was 19, in my second year of college and working for Portland business icon, Bill Naito. He was a cherub Japanese American man of unbelievable intellect.  While a very rich man he owned and operated his import/export business working long days every day from his desk placed in the center of the Norcrest China Company main floor in Portland’s White Stag building.  I started working for Bill while a high school Junior, answering a two line ad looking for warehouse workers.  Bill Naito himself interviewed me, and offered me the job at $2.10 an hour.  I was giddy. Like most people, I worked hard and after a short time I was not only working in the warehouse packing china and glassware boxes to be shipped across the country, but Mr. Naito helped develop me into other aspects of his business. Before long I was given the upgrade to be the human delivery guy. Not just a driver, oh no… I got to take the day’s receipts in a big bank bag which was chained and locked to my waist area. The only way it was removed was killing me, or using the keys to unlock three locks attached to the chains.  After I was locked up, a smock was placed around my shoulders and off I rode on the Naito bicycle the ten blocks or so to the Bank of California.  After being buzzed into the vault, the nice people at the international Bank unlocked my three locks, removed the chain, and took the deposit bags.  I knew the risks; believe it or not I liked that part of the job!  One day I returned from one of my deliveries and noticed a new accounting employee who was cute and approachable. I asked her out, it was a date. We only went out once.   I took her to a basketball game, some dinner, and then we went to her home.  Her folks were gone, so we were just watching some T.V.  when a loud noise came from the front of the house.  My date said; “You better hide.”  Pride aside, I said something like whaaat while she added “Now!”  I could hear a second loud noise and a lot of car doors opening.  She added- “it’s my ex boyfriend, he probably saw your car.” oh and... “He’s got a temper.” Do I take a stand against a large group, or hide?  Better part of valor and all that-  I hid, going into the garage and selecting a location behind the washer and dryer. It was a tough fit, but I made it just in time. A group of guys made it into the house, storming around while one guy kept saying “where is he, he’s dead” and other unprintable things like that.  My heart rate went up, I started thinking about weapons I could use, or how I would escape.  When the garage door opened- it moved to: will I survive?  The main pursuer was so enraged he ran right by location and back into the house without a proper search- and in a few more minutes after interrogating his ex girlfriend, he and his posse were gone. Eventually my date called to me and wanted to talk it out. Her ex was a Portland high school football star, 6’4” 240 on his way to stardom in college and beyond.  Would he and his friends have killed me? I will never know, but at the time the answer to me was a definite yes.  That feeling of dread, helplessness and uncertainty was what I felt in 1978 and again in 2009 when told about the Leukemia/Lymphoma.   Many people in my cancer community feel the same thing when there is a setback, a relapse, a bad blood test or worse. We try to put on the good face and stay positive hoping that medical science, prayer, and hope are on our side.  My heart goes out to all of the people who have to live with a difficult diagnosis and tragedy in their lives.  To everyone who offers support and encouragement to us- please know that we feed off of the support with an appetite that is unending and we can’t do enough to thank you.

 

To close the loop on this story, I could not listen to Dust in the Wind for years after my little experience. One day a few years ago I happened across the lyrics and read them again to move past my blockage.  I checked and found that the writer, Kerry Livgren commented that he wrote the song to remind people that life goes by quickly; will be over long before you know it; and there is nothing you can take with you when you go. I think it also poses a question about the meaning of life and how insignificant we all are in the big picture.  Live Happy, compassion is not a bad thing, thanks for indulging me!